Friday Sermon by: Alban Fejza, Online Congregation Director
Summary:
In this Friday sermon, Alban Fejza explains from the Arabic Quran that believers may not take disbelievers as friends, clarifies that verse 60:8 only allows kindness and justice toward peaceful non-submitters, and presents a table of which relationships are allowed, often prohibited or prohibited, from acquaintances and business partners to close friends.
Video Transcript:
Praise be to God. There is no other god except God.
We cannot find any example in the Quran where a believer befriends a disbeliever, unless it is by force. For example, the wife of Pharaoh, as a wife, must have befriended him, but she was forced to do it, and regardless, she still ended up paying for it, by saving Moses from the river and paying for his feeding. Also, Joseph befriended the bad person in prison, but he was forced to stay in prison, and regardless, Joseph still ended up paying for befriending a bad person, which is one of the reasons why he ended up staying a few additional years in prison.
In all the cases in the Quran where the believers were free, you cannot find a single example of them befriending a disbeliever. For example, the sleepers of the cave even went and hid in the cave, so that they would not befriend the disbelievers. Verse 60:4 says that a good example has been set for you by Abraham and those with him. They said to their people, “We disown you,” basically, “We cut all ties of friendship between us and you, and the idols that you worship beside God. We denounce you, and you will see nothing from us except animosity and hatred until you believe in God alone.” So, nothing except animosity, which means no friendship at all.
Now, if anyone still thinks that these examples are not enough, let’s look at the list of verses which give us direct prohibitions and exclusions. But please make sure to check these verses directly in the Arabic Quran, not in English translations, for a final conclusion. Let me start with a key verse which sets the clear boundaries within which we should understand all the other verses. It’s verse 5:55. Again, please check the verse in the Arabic, because the English translations do not do it full justice. The Arabic uses a key word, which is “only,” so it excludes all other possibilities of friendship. Verse 5:55 says your only, I repeat, your only friends should be God and His messenger and those who have believed, those who observe the Contact Prayer, give the Zakat, and bow down. So we are only allowed to be friends with these, and anyone outside of them is prohibited as a friend, because the verse says “only.” This verse puts clear boundaries on our friendships, and all the other verses must be understood within what this verse says.
For example, verse 5:51 in the Arabic Quran says do not take the Jews and the Christians, any Jews and Christians, without exception, as friends. They are friends with one another, and whoever is friends with them is one of them. Verse 5:80 tells us that you can see many of them becoming friends with those who disbelieve, and then it says that what they are doing is definitely evil. This is from the Arabic Quran, not from translations. Verse 9:23 in the Arabic Quran says do not take as friends even your fathers and brothers, if they prefer disbelieving over believing, and whoever does this, they are wrongdoers. Verse 3:28 says that no believer is to be friends with a disbeliever instead of a believer, and whoever does that has nothing to do with God, except if they are forced. Verse 4:144 says, O you who believe, do not take the disbelievers as friends instead of the believers; do you wish to give God clear evidence against you?
So all these verses are clear that believers should not take any disbeliever as a friend, except if they are forced, and verse 5:55 tells us that the only friends we can have are God, His messenger, and the believers who do the Contact Prayer, give the Zakat, and bow down. This is very clear in the Arabic Quran. However, the word “friend” in modern English is a constantly evolving word. Sometimes people use it to refer to acquaintances, sometimes to co-workers, sometimes to teammates, sometimes to schoolmates with whom they might be doing a school project together, for example, or maybe to a trading partner. Therefore, we should not rush to express a clear-cut prohibition of “friendships” in modern English, because people mean many different things when they say “friend,” and a lot of those different definitions of the word “friend” are not necessarily prohibited by the Quran in times of peace.
But the word “friend” in the Arabic Quran is clearer and stronger. It does not refer to an acquaintance, for example, but to a friend for whom you would do a favor without asking for payment, and who would also do you a favor without asking for payment, and you would protect each other if necessary. But because the word “friend” in English is not clearly defined, most English translators of the Quran shied away from translating from the Arabic Quran the clear prohibition of being friends with disbelievers, because they were afraid that by doing so, they would indirectly also end up prohibiting other things which are not prohibited, like business partnerships and so on, because the Quran allows trade and business with disbelievers during times of peace. So, to prevent this misunderstanding, a lot of smart translators were forced to hide or soften the prohibition of friendship with disbelievers. But the Arabic Quran does contain clear prohibitions regarding clear situations of friendship with disbelievers.
However, in today’s English, because of the unclear definition of the word “friend,” when someone asks us whether we are allowed to be friends with disbelievers, if we don’t have time to explain, we should simply slightly downgrade the prohibition and say, “We are not allowed to be close friends with disbelievers.” It’s linguistically correct to use the phrase “close friend” instead of “friend,” because in the Arabic Quran the words “friend” and “close” come from the same root word: basically, someone who is close to you, a close friend. So that’s what we say if we don’t have time to explain. But if we have time to explain, we should say, “We are not allowed to be friends, any kind of friends, with disbelievers,” which is what the Quran says, but then explain what we mean when we say “friends,” and how that word does not include co-workers, sports teammates, schoolmates, business partners and so on, if you keep a reasonable professional distance from them, more like acquaintances, and not like drinking buddies, bonding and things like that.
So the Quran does prohibit us from being any kind of friends with disbelievers, if by “friends” we mean people with whom we are close enough to do and expect favors from one another without any expectation of payment, and to protect each other if need be. I’m using this definition of friendship because in the Arabic Quran the word “friend” also means protector, and also because, according to verses 18:77 and 24:61, a close friend is someone for whom you do a favor without expecting them to pay you, and from whom you receive a favor without them expecting you to pay them for it. So, to conclude, in more than 20 verses the Quran prohibits us from being close friends with non-submitters, or, if we define the word “friend” correctly, from being any kind of friends with non-submitters.
Despite this clear prohibition, there is a verse in the Quran which is almost always misunderstood, and people end up thinking that the Quran actually allows being friends, or close friends, with non-submitters. Let me tell you what the verse says, and then where the misunderstanding comes from. Verse 60:8 says that God does not prohibit you regarding those who do not fight you because of religion and do not drive you out of your homes. The first part of this verse seems to allow friendship with disbelievers, as long as they do not fight us because of religion and do not drive us out of our homes. However, once you read the verse further, it tells you what God allows you to do with those peaceful disbelievers. Let’s read the whole verse now. It says God does not prohibit you (it’s not mentioning friendship here, just the prohibition of general contact and crossing paths in the same spaces), so again, God does not prohibit you, regarding those who do not fight you because of religion and do not drive you out of your homes, from dealing with them with kindness and justice.
This is not allowing close friendship. It’s only allowing kindness and justice. Friendships with them are prohibited in verse 5:55. This verse is telling us to be just when we make a business deal with a peaceful disbeliever, for example, or to be kind to our co-workers at our job, or when we talk to a stranger on the road, but it is not allowing us to become close friends with them. Verse 5:55 is still there, which clearly prohibits close friendships with any people who do not do the Contact Prayer and the Zakat. Verse 60:8 does not nullify verse 5:55. It only tells us how to deal with peaceful non-submitters while not being friends with them. It says that you can deal with them with kindness and justice despite not being friends with them. In peaceful times, we are allowed to show kindness even to disbelievers while not being their friends, and we can also have them as sports teammates, classmates, co-workers, business partners, and in other defined activities which are in our interest, while not being their friends, if by “friends” we mean doing and receiving favors, or going to their houses for dinner and things like that, which usually have no purpose other than bonding and being friends.
Now, the first contact, the introduction to any person, is always excused. For example, when two guests came to Abraham, he prepared a meal for them, despite the fact that he did not know who they were, and they could potentially have been disbelievers. This is because, in any first contact with anyone, when we first get to know them, we should always assume that they are believers until they tell us otherwise. Once they tell us otherwise, or once we see that they did not join us in the Contact Prayer, then we distance ourselves from them, and the better way is to tell them why, which is an opportunity to preach and spread the message. We wouldn’t be able to spread the message if we never contacted disbelievers at any time. And the best way to have this first, introductory meeting or contact, in your home, in their home, or in a restaurant, is to have another submitter with you. In this way you are stronger against the influences of the devil, if they turn out to be representatives of the devil. And once you see that they showed no interest in ever learning the Contact Prayer when you had to do the Contact Prayer, then you stop inviting them into your home or going to their home.
By the way, inviting people into your home, or going to their homes, is one of the closest forms of friendship, which is why it is one of the most strongly prohibited forms of friendship once they have shown us that they are not submitters, and if you break this prohibition, the other submitters have the right to feel betrayed by you. Let me give you an example from the time of Rashad Khalifa, showing that he thought this was prohibited and that he considered it a betrayal.
[A short clip is played in which Rashad Khalifa reproaches a member of the community for having hosted, for dinner in her house, people who opposed God and His messenger.]
So staying and eating together with non-submitters in your house or their house is a serious issue. Another way to look at friendships is to ask yourself the question: “If I did the Contact Prayer right now, would this person join me?” If the answer is yes, then that person is very likely your friend. If the answer is no, then he’s very likely not your friend. And if the answer is, “Well, I wouldn’t be able to fully do the Contact Prayer right now anyway,” because maybe it’s forenoon, or maybe you are in a public place where it is dangerous to fully prostrate, which I explained in the video titled “Lessening and Shortening the Contact Prayers,” then, in situations where you yourself would be lessening or shortening the Contact Prayer, which in the Arabic Quran is technically not a Contact Prayer at all but a compensation for it, you are not sufficiently different from that other person, because you yourself wouldn’t have to do the actual Contact Prayer with its movements. This means that you are not that different from that person in that situation, which means that he or she is very likely your acquaintance, or maybe your schoolmate, or your co-worker, and so on, but very likely neither your enemy nor your friend.
Using this logic, of being joined in the Contact Prayer as a measure of friendship, we can also conclude that since children under 12 are not obliged to do the Contact Prayer, we should not prohibit friendships with them, regardless of what they think they believe. Really, there is no substantial difference between believing children and disbelieving children, and it’s okay if they are friends while they are children. Once they are between 12 and 18 years old, they should be gradually removed from friendships with disbelievers. Also, in addition to these rules, there’s an additional layer of prohibitions in friendships, which has to do with relations between males and females.
Now, taking all this into account, let’s summarize this issue. This table is a summary of the prohibited, often prohibited, and allowed friendships, depending on the level of friendship and the type of people you are dealing with. Here we have non-submitters and submitters. Among the non-submitters, we have the hostile ones, the opponents, and the peaceful ones. Among the submitters, we have the involuntary submitters, which are seriously sick people, the handicapped, the starving, children under 18, and so on, and then finally we have the voluntary submitters, which is us.
When it comes to the hostile non-submitters, who fight us because of religion, and the opponents, who actively oppose God and His messenger, they are completely prohibited for us. We should not live with them, have them as close friends, have them as friends, or have them as acquaintances. Even trading with them is prohibited. It’s a complete separation from them. But when it comes to the peaceful non-submitters, which is the majority of people today, it depends on whether they are from a different family or from the same family. If they are from a different family and of the opposite gender, then we are prohibited from living together, or being close friends or friends, with her if you’re a male, or with him if you’re a female. But sometimes it is okay to be their acquaintance, and sometimes not, depending on the situation, as long as we keep it professional.
By the way, this orange square here is not clearly defined on purpose. It is left as “often prohibited,” not because the Arabic Quran is not clear about this, but because the word “acquaintance” sometimes fits within the prohibited categories of the Arabic Quran, more towards friendship, and sometimes it fits within the allowed categories, like trading, doing business, having common projects for the benefit of humankind, and so on. Each case is different, or part of it can be prohibited and part of it not, simultaneously. The same applies to all these other orange squares. Even though they are well defined in the Arabic Quran, we do not have the clarity of words in English to prohibit them completely or allow them completely.
Next category: peaceful non-submitters from a different family but of the same gender as ours, or the ones from the same family as ours, of any gender. We are allowed to have them as acquaintances, trade with them, have them as sports teammates and so on, basically cooperating with them in righteous things, if it is in our own personal interest, and not cooperating in prohibited things. However, it is likely that some of the friendships with them might be prohibited, so we just try to minimize our friendships with them from time to time, to make sure that the professional side dominates over the warm, friendly side. Of course, we have to be kind and just to them, but that does not automatically imply a meaningful friendship. We are prohibited from living together with them or being close friends with them. You can analyze the rest of the table yourself.
But let me draw your attention to the prohibited parts only, the red squares. These four red squares do not happen in democracies. These other four red squares are rare, because very few people have heard about the modern messengers, and you encounter those people rarely, and if you go against these prohibitions, you will probably do it in a hidden way anyway, because you know that it will upset us. These ones have to do with cross-gender issues, and if anyone breaks those prohibitions, again, they probably do it without other people knowing. And these last two are probably private cases, and the community does not hear about them. Now we are left with these last three, which are the only ones which are both clear prohibitions and matters which you are not allowed to hide, or which we as a community will know about anyway, if you are truly a submitter. This is why, if you break these three red ones, you have to pay through the community of submitters, and you can learn how to pay for those sins in the videos titled “Living Together with Non-Submitters,” parts one and two.
As you can see, there is some wiggle room in today’s world in these orange areas, and if your parent or spouse is also a submitter, then, out of loyalty and respect for them, you should adjust your own friendships according to their interpretation of these wiggle rooms, regarding whom they want you to be friends with or not. This is a whole issue in itself, about how to respect our parents and spouses who are submitters.
Also, a percentage of your time spent being friendly with non-submitters is forced, and that forced behavior usually happens in these orange areas, or close to them. For example, you might have to laugh at the jokes of your manager at work, or have lunch with a potential business partner, which might then turn into several meetings because you still haven’t discussed all the details, or things like that. These are very likely partially forced friendship cases, and for these you will be neither punished nor rewarded in the next world. However, this forced behavior definitely does not happen in the first two rows of this table. We cannot say, for example, that the government forced us to oppose the messenger. Democracies are not concerned with who is and who is not a messenger, and democracies are also not fighting us because of religion. You can learn more about this in the Friday sermon titled “The Global Forced Behaviour.”
And finally, if you just have honest intentions and love God, you will get most of this issue right. Any small mistakes which you might make unintentionally regarding friendships are usually compensated for by being an active submitter, which means that you earn extra credit in these green ones, and also, simply by attending the Friday sermons, you earn extra credit for fulfilling these other green ones. They are one of the ways to deserve more blessings from God.